IS "BETA PI BLOG" JUNK E-MAIL?:
Yes, and 
no! It is not this e-mail. This e-mail contains some written content of the "Beta Pi Blog", not the entire content. The "blog" is actually a web-site, it includes 
pictures, 
links, Archives of previous issues, and other time-wasters. To get there, go to web address: http://beta-pi-blog.blogspot.com/ .UPDATE: THE "FIND A JOB FOR DR. PHIBES" CONTEST:
The entries are all in to find
Matthew J. Hart matthewjhart@yahoo.com , a job, and as promised, the 
Three Stooges will judge the contest.I have tried for the last 5 days to communicate with
Vinny Starr and 
Buck Biller, no less than 4 e-mails, 3 text messages, 2 voice mails, and a Partridge-in-a Freakin’-Pear-Tree!Today, I get a voice message from Vinny that says:
"Lar - I’ve been calling you for days! Where-the-heck have you been? The Wife and I are en route to New York City to see some plays and shop and have fun. I’ll call you when I get there" (Such is the power of the Judiciary).
Buck called me - rather, he had his new Indian friend Sahib call me, from somewhere in India, with some message to call back before Friday, in order to prevent an execution scheduled under tribal law in the Hindu Kush. (Truthfully, Buck’s son Jackson is actually in India. Check out his website: http://bigredinindia.blogspot.com/ )With Vinny in New York, Buck in Hindu Kush, and yours truly in Nashville, the Three Stooges convened via international wireless hook-up, for an historic first . . .
VINNY’S VIRTUAL STARR CHAMBER!In this "virtual" world of electronics, the Blog can bring you unprecedented coverage of the once secretive Starr Chamber of Judge Vinny Starr . . .
JUDGE STARR: Court Officer, please open court.
BUCK: O Yez! O Yez! Vinny’s Virtual Starr Chamber will come to Order, God save ATO, the Blog and this Honorable Court, Judge Vinny Starr presiding.
BOZINO, COUNSEL FOR THE BLOG: May it please the Court - we have petitioned the Court to conduct deliberations, and enter a ruling on the
"Find a Job for Phibes" Contest.JUDGE STARR: Silence! The Great and Powerful Vin knows why you have come here! I invented the contest! After Doctor Phibes left Hilton, I had this vision of a weather-worn, unshaven man in a trench coat, wandering the streets, stopping people for mystical reasons, offering to sell them mystical wares, but such as the economy is - having no luck. It nearly broke my compassionate conservative heart.
All of the entries are excellent! Let’s just give it to Crenshaw - he’s in Thailand, we know he won’t show, so we won’t have to pay. How many entries were there?
BOZINO, COUNSEL FOR THE BLOG: Nine. For the record, they are:
1. GYNECOLOGIST IN CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC,
Neal Crenshaw neal.crenshaw@gmail.com2. GENERAL MANAGER, WOMENS' FINISHING SCHOOL OF UDAN THANI, Neal Crenshaw
3. SUPREME COURT JUSTICE,
Steven Starr starr2456@comcast.net4. THE SHAM-WOW GUY!,
Pierce Hodnette phodnette@eufaula.rr.com5. U.S. MANAGING DIRECTOR OF CORRUPTION CLEANUP,
Mike McCarty mmccarty@crtib.com6. Proctologist in Pretoria, Bozo lasimons4law@aol.com
7. Flavored Condom Taste-tester, Bozo
8. Mam-o-gram Machine Operator in the Amazon,
Bozo9. Automotive Upholstery Flatulence Detector in Detroit, Bozo
JUDGE STARR: Let’s just give it to me.
BUCK: That is the rankest form of corruption, suits me.
BOZINO: I like Pierce Hodnette’s "Sham-Wow Guy"
BUCK: Here -
"Sham-Wow" this! Actually, Pierce gets my vote, too.JUDGE STARR: Order! Order in this Court! I think Mike McCarty’s entry is outstanding.
BOZINO: I object, it doesn’t comport with Contest Rules. It is way over the 100 word limit. This Court will be accused of corruption.
JUDGE STARR: Exactly my point. And McCarty’s point.
Everything is corrupt. That’s all the more reason why we need Dr. Phibes to have this job! Whoever says this Court is corrupt, is corrupt! And they are all in contempt! They wouldn’t really say that, would they?Do I have to give back the Country Club Membership McCarty gave me? Approach the Bench!
(After a brief side-bar conference)
JUDGE STARR: The votes of the Stooges have been counted. The Winner of the "Find a Job for Phibes" Contest is . . .
"THE SHAM-WOW GUY!" by
PIERCE HODNETTE. (reprinted, by permission)
"THE SHAM-WOW GUY! The Sham-Wow guy was recently arrested for beating up a hooker. Mr. Hart would be an excellent replacement. We all know that he can be very persuasive, even forceful, in getting others to do his bidding. Although he is not as young or slim as the erstwhile pitchman, Matt has maturity and gravitas. The product itself is excellent, it's made in Germany, and you know they make good stuff there. The pay will be similar to his former Hilton gig and if Sham-Wow goes public, he will surely have lots of stock options.Pierce Hodnette"
In October, at Reunion 2009, Pierce shall be awarded the prize - dinner with Doctor Phibes and the Three Stooges (and all other Tick-a-lors in Nashville). Pierce will present an actual Sham-Wow to Doctor Phibes, as a token of Brotherhood. Congratulations to Brother Pierce.
* * * *
COMMENTS, COMMENTS, COMMENTS: Blog Vol.2009, No.07 broke the record for number of comments - 33 Comments! CHECK OUT THE "COMMENTS" - BETTER YET POST A COMMENT. (The "button" - as Buck likes to call it, is at the bottom of the "page", it is very small - it is small red letters "Comments" - just below "VTL, . .") Call me and I’ll walk you through it - 615-512-1448. Too lazy? Send me an e-mail and I’ll post your comment.
BETA PI BLOG ROSTER STATS: As of May 14, 2009, the Blog roster stands at 95 Beta Pi brothers, 87 Tick-a-lo men online who have e-mail addresses, and 8 ATO Girlfriends-o-Yore. If you have an e-mail address on a Brother, or sister - fugetaboutit!
VTL,
Larry Simons
Beta Pi, 72
4 comments:
FROM MATT HART, May 15, 2009:
"Thank You all for your very Generous help in finding me a job. I will give all of the suggestions due consideration. Please do not feel bad for me, Brothers. We sold at the peak. A portion of the proceeds has gone to President Obama, some to a golf abode in Palm desert and recently a very attractive beach bungalow in Del Mar. Thank You Blackstone Group.
For some time I have given consideration to penning my memoirs. I would call it ‘King of the 7’s’. A generous part of the book would be devoted to my time in Nashville. These are some of the Chapter titles that I’ve thought about… perhaps some of you will remember… 96 Cans of Rheingold… Hemingway Nudes…Tick’lors,Extenders Artificial Harrys… Bank of Dixon… Human Toast…It’s a G_ _ _ _n Nightstick.it tis…Three in a Row,On the Couch… He’s Just Freshening Up… Kate,You Know Who This Is… The Second Founding…Just Cookin’ Cup Towels… I Saw You at the Shipwreck Party… Dog Day. All the Best…" (Edited for content)
FROM FRANK COLLINS, May 15, 2009:
"If you ask me - and no, nobody has asked me, but... Brother Hart doesn't need our help. We need his. I want HIS gig. He can take my job in exchange. (I doubt he'll consider.)
Thank you, Brother Hart. Once again, from you i learn valuable life lessons. Let me know when you finish the book. I would like to bid on the galleys and buy the film rights. Maybe that is a way for me to get to the promised land of Hart.
Frank"
FROM TRAVIS PARR, May 15, 2009:
"Dear Matt,
You need another chapter title added: Name it :
" On my way down to New Orleans" or " Singin' Blues ala Hart".
xxxooo,
TParr
FROM FRANK BILLER, May 15, 2009:
"Never Call him Hart!"
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