Beta Pi Blog, Vol.2011, No.05 - Indiana Bozino

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YEA . . . . or

NAY?

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. . . or . . . So, I was getting pretty frickin’ fed up with the mundane satan-sandwich being spoon fed to me at the courthouse by lawyers, by Judge Judy, by clients, by parasites, by the sons-of-parasites . . . people saw me as some lawyer-schmuck. They have no frickin’ idea that I am actually a quasi-archeologist-schmuck.

Time for a trip to the nearest jungle . . . time for . . .
INDIANA BOZINO!

So, I and trusted Jungle-Assistant Young Ann Polk, headed for the Yucatan Peninsula.
At the airport we rented kayaks and got right into the river (and no, that is not Burl Frickin' Ives in the canoe, it is I, Lortenzo Bozino).

There were birds and

crocodiles everywhere.

From there, we saw a tarantuala.

Our Jungle Guide said it was an omen - DO. . . NOT . . . SEEK . . .THE. . . TREASURE. We ignored her advice and pressed on.

The entrance to the treasure was accessible only by rappelling to a mystic sinkhole, called a Cenote.

Instant rappelling lessons.
Then we had to swim the underground river - the locals call it a Cenote.

There were some semi-naked girls in the river, but Nurse Rachet stood guard, so

we were undaunted.

Then, we reemerged, and had to take a Zip-line (the natives call it a Cenote) across crocodile infested swamps (the natives . . . enough). Did I say there were crocodiles?

Then, we got there and the only way to the MYSTIC PYRAMID AT COBA was by what the locals call a Mayan Limousine (aka Cenote). We were frickin’ kings.

Then, there it was . . .

the MYSTIC HEAD OF TICK-A-LOR!

I spent some time studying this face. Why the sheer terror in the facial expression? Could it have been the ritual human sacrifice at the pyramid? No, this was a religious rite, a sacred honor.

Could it have been the ritual human sacrifice of the Winning Captain of the Ball Court? No, this was the Mayan sport, the Ball Court. Teams competed, and the winning team Captain had the great and sacred honor to be decapitated. No it had to be something else.

THEN, it hit me. There could be only one explanation. THE MEANING OF THE MYSTERIOUS COBA FACE:

TOURISTA!

Once you get it, instant terror! I know this because I was at that moment in the grip of a case of Tourista.

Then, we got to climb this ancient pyramid called COBA.

Why, because we are geezers, they said it might be closed to climbing soon, and the rest of the expedition were 20-somethinngs, honeymooners - we could not take the easy chair.

We begin our ascent. The stairs are not a gentle 45 degrees, or even 50 degrees, or even 60. Frickin’ 65 degrees. About as close as you can get to a sheer 90 degree wall, and still call it stairs.
That means that you climb in the erect position at your own risk. Thankfully, there is a rope to grasp.
From the top, the view was awesome.

It is only in looking down the so-called stairs that you realize how perilous it is.

You could look into the Mystic Chamber of the Priest.
Then, as I looked out, in my head, the trumpets sounded, I became a Priest, the song Flyin’ High Now started playing, the theme song from ROCKY, Flyin’ high now . . . NOT. No, this blog did not morph into ROCKY.

I stretched out my arms in a ritual Ann and I play out every time we travel to a foreign country. We find the tallest building with a balcony - the place most likely used for a Presidential Address, and I imagine myself as El Presidente. Then, I address my people. Hey, at least I don’t have any imaginary friends (or do I?)

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CLASS OF 1976 NEWS: FRANK COLLINS, the 5th Annual ATO Dinner Class of 76 Point man has notified me that the ATO Dinner Reservation has been confirmed at

Cabana for 7:00 p.m. on Saturday, October 22nd!

(Now, I guarantee I'll get 5 e-mails asking when and where, guaranteed.)

Here is the slate of Mystics scheduled to attend:
IGOR FRANK COLLINS (Beta Pi, Class of 1976): YES!
ART LANDRY (Beta Pi, Class of 1976):

RALPH McGIBONY (Beta Pi, Class of 1976):

BIRDMAN PAGE (Beta Pi, Class of 1976): NO. Will be on Mackinac Island in Michigan that weekend. 30th anniversary. Maybe next year.

CONAN PETERSEN (Beta Pi, Class of 1976):

DOUG UNIBROW MARTIN (Beta Pi, Class of 1976): MAYBE. PETER PAN SYNDROME, CLASSIC INABILITY TO COMMIT. Highly likely. About 90 pct sure.

NICK NICHOLS (Beta Pi, Class of 1976): YES! That's the plan.

MRS. LEE HALL (Beta Pi, Class of 1976): WIFE ONCE OFFERED TO ATTEND IF BASEMENT POOL REINSTITUTED. NO EXCUSE.

OLLIE GRACE (Beta Pi, Class of 1976): MY LITTLE BRO', NO EXCUSE.

STEVE QUATTROCHI (Beta Pi, Class of 1976): LIVES IN MT. JULIET (NASHVILLE SUBURB), NO EXCUSE. Roach, do not tell us you have a lake trip planned.

LUNCHMEAT BILL WHALEN (Beta Pi, Class of 1976): YES! Sure, When? Living a sane existence in a basically insane society.

BUCK BILLER (Beta Pi, Class of 1975): YES!

TRAVIS BURCH (Beta Pi, Class of 1971): YES!

INDIANA LORTENZO BOZINO (Beta Pi, Class of 1975): Yes.

YOUNG ANN POLK SIMONS (Chi Omega, Class of 1976): YES!

LURCH the ringer (Beta Pi, Class of 1977)

JACK MUENCH the super ringer: (Beta Pi, Class of 1974): YES!

BOSS STEIN the board ringer (Beta Pi, Class of 1973): LIVES IN NASHVILLE, NO EXCUSE.

STEPHEN MAGLI the Active ringer (Beta Pi, Class of 2012)& guest: Yes.

J.D. STRICKLAND the Grecian 44 ringer (Beta Pi, Class of 1985): ALWAYS.
　
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VTL,
Larry Simons
Beta Pi, 72