Beta Pi Blog, Vol.2009, No.24 - Adolph Hack, The Wales Tales Exterminator

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ADOLPH HACK, THE WALES TALES EXTERMINATOR:


Last week, Mark McGann forwarded a strange e-mail - from a fellow named Hack. That e-mail has stirred considerable controversy, and my first instinct was to comment briefly, and then ignore it. However, the e-mail responses to it keep coming, and one Brother even told me he was "rethinking" whether to attend Reunion because of Hack. I have struggled with how to write about it, . . . and my solution is . . .


ALUMNI E-STAR CHAMBER - a "virtual" star chamber by e-mail:

First, The E-Star Chamber will come to order.


The matter at hand is an e-mail written by an ATO named Hack.

Hack stands accused of exterminating Wales Tales while at Vanderbilt.

After the offending e-mail was received, Brother Steven Starr investigated, and learned Brother Hack graduated over four years ago and IS NOT an Active.

The entire offending e-mail will be presented, ex Exhibit #1.


THE HACK E-MAIL:
　
"I want to personally take credit for being part of the group that kicked out the alumni playing tales four years ago. As rush chair

at the time, it was a complete embarrassment to have alumni hollering around a table at one of the biggest rush events of the year when only a handful of brothers at the time still played and no rushies knew what the game was. I had to explain to the freshman that this isn't what the current brothers were like.


These selfish alumni took the entire back deck and tried to make it the spectacle of the homecoming party, similar to the Asshole song. Step back and see how the current brothers saw this and how future brothers would take this in.

Not only is the game extremely gay and anti-social, but it also literally scares women away from the house. The goal is to incorporate women

into drinking games so they actually stay at the house, get drunk, and have a good time.


This is why I did my best over the course of my 4 years to extinguish this game and replace it with more social games (beer pong, flip cup, etc.) that girls could participate in and enjoy as well.

I am about keeping some traditions, century club, piepi, etc. that encourage the entire house to have a good time but a 8 person circle jerk should never be allowed to be played at Homecoming and I believe it is no longer played at the house.


However, we were nice enough to let alumni play tales in the basement. One of the reasons I have not been back to the house at Homecoming (even though I have gone back to all of them) along with a lot others is because it usually is only the alumni tales players playing tales, something that most of us do not want to be associated with. Homecoming should be about helping the house for the future: buying beer for the house, hanging out and getting to meet the current brothers while not sketching out girls.

Think about this email and if you still think Tales should take up the entire back deck during Homecoming you are a selfish tool and should take a serious look at yourself. Get a room, literally, in a hotel if you want to jerk yourselves off.

Hack" (Emphasis Added)

* * * *

BROTHER BOZINO: Upon receiving this, I was under the mistaken impression that this Adolph Hack fellow is an Active, and with fairness toward Actives in mind I wrote:

"Mark:

Excellent points.
And, the issue is whether the girls the Actives are chasing now are offended.

I think we have to accept the complainant's statement that the girls in their circle of friends are offended - by the sexism ("wenches") and the shouting (I think he described the game as shouting). He felt that girls are excluded, and they are offended, and "driven away."

By his words, they now seek to lure girls there to "get them drunk," and he feels the game of Tales is defective ("gay") because it neither invites girls (it offends) nor gets them drunk (because he believes they are excluded). He blames the game for girls being driven away. This is why Beer Pong works for them. Girls are welcome, and its fun, and everyone gets drunk.

Mission accomplished.

Now, as for the game's effect on girls of our day, we didn't care, they didn't care. And the girls that hung with us tolerated (with amusement) the whole "wench" thing, as if we were play acting as Knights, Princes and Wenches,

as in days of yore. Point is, our girls that cared about us tolerated it.

We, therefore, were more adept at getting girls than the modern day ATO, and didn't have to resort to "getting them drunk" - except of course for J.D.

Larry"

I also wrote:
　
"Buck, Vinny, Ed and Mark:

I read the e-mail. Doesn't surprise me. My step-daughter (now 23) attended several ATO parties at Vandy - she said they were great parties - they played beer pong.

A game that included girls. Beer pong.

Our time was a different reality. A misogynistic game like Tales was - even then - considered sexist. Girls relegated to the gallery as "wenches".

Think about it from the active's point of view - Tales has no functional utility - girls can't play, it drives them away.

I understand their point of view. Don't agree, but I understand.

The ATO house belongs to the actives - each era has a new "definition" of cool.

Face it, we are dinosaurs.

It might be wise to select a venue other than the ATO house for Alumni Tales. Unless there are Actives who invite a game at the House.

Just my view.


Larry"

* * * *
　
BROTHER BUCK BILLER:
"I agree with Larry that times have changed. I have no idea what the new guys do or don't like. We would have loved it, but we are not them. I do not want to even get into the comments regarding tales as a gay event, misogny, etc. The current actives are the first generation of post feminist parents. Their views and sensibilities are much different from ours in numerous social areas. We need to respect the fact that this is their time to run the house. Let's not let this blow into a battle between the alumni and the actives. The only result will be a loss for us all.

Buck"

* * * *
　
BROTHER MARK McGANN: "This 'discussion' seems to revolve around the disruptive influence of a Tales game, particularly as concerns the fairer sex. Are women excluded from playing Tales? I don't rightly know. With the exception of Van Sayler, I can't say as I remember any expressing a desire to play, which is probably to their credit. It might have been entertaining, on several levels. Of course the fact that the game usually took place in a fraternity might have had something to do with it. My two cents, keep the change."

* * * *

BROTHER VINNY STARR: "I think it's completely obvious that at some early point in this guy's (Hack or whatever his name is) ATO career, he was the 'well' one too many times.

V"

* * * *
　
BROTHER MARK McGANN: "That, and he has latent tendencies."

* * * *


BROTHER DICK SANT: "Brian makes some interesting points; however, I would argue that Wales Tales is neither anti-social nor gay. Further, the decision as to whether or not to allow the game to "take up the entire rear deck" should be left entirely to the active members. It was commendable of members to allow the game to take place in the basement. Likewise, I think that jerking off in the house should be discouraged during homecoming and that the active membership should take no further stand on this matter. If Brian feels compelled to organize, direct, or otherwise supervise such activities, it would be in the best interest of the fraternity for him to do so simply as a private individual and not as a representative of Alpha Tau Omega. Just some thoughts.

Dick Sant"

* * * *

　
BROTHER B.J. BRINKERHOFF: Brian, I appreciated your e-mail response. As a counterpoint, please note that Tales was a large part of brotherhood and bonding when many of us were at Vanderbilt. Therefore, it is often times something that we all look forward to participating in while visiting the house on the oft chances we are able to. Surely you can appreciate this point of view just as much as you can project your opinions and wishes on those who graduated well before you and helped make our fraternity the memorable institution that we all were fortunate enough to belong to. I was not present the year that Tales became such a *horrible spectacle* and you had to ask people to leave, although I believe my 5 year reunion was the following year (2005), and I distinctly recall those of us who wanted to play Tales attempting to do so discreetly.


The response from the active brothers at that time was "Vanderbilt does not allow drinking games" and "maybe if some of you would donate money to the house we would allow you to play". I can recall being completely turned off by the reception the alumni received that entire day (not just after the football game when we tried to play), and since that time, I have chosen (as have many others, and as have you) to simply spend time with brothers outside of the Vanderbilt campus and ATO house. That is unfortunate, because upon graduating I always looked forward to returning to the House to hang out with my brothers.

I can understand your point of view that Homecoming "should be about helping the house for the future: buying beer for the house, hanging out and getting to meet the current brothers while not sketching out girls." Often times, when I was in school and before me as well, we were able to accomplish all of these goals, and not just at Homecoming. I can't recall the number of random week nights that local and non-local alums would stop by the House to hang out, get to know people, and yes, play Tales. And yet, at the same time, we never had any trouble having girls or rushees fill our house for swaps, parties, formals, or just random days and nights of hanging out and playing the same f'ing CD on repeat over the speakers (I'm talking to you, Why Store).


So to speak out against years and years of brothers who became lifelong friends over the activities they shared at the House comes across as Holier-than-thou, and naturally, its going to piss people off. That may explain your lack of attendance at Homecoming or other events as well. There may be other reasons too - personally, this is the first e-mail I've received in 9 years inviting me back to campus. Some of my brothers may state that such an omission was on purpose, and to each of them, I issue a heart bow-and-arrow formed with my middle finger and thumb.

But all kidding aside, your e-mail does not come across as the appropriate way, in my opinion, to accomplish your aims. First and foremost, it is not really your decision to dictate to the alumni what they should and should not do when they're at the House for Homecoming - we all share that building equally. Second, it seems to me that anyone who wants to play Tales at HC this year or any year should be allowed to do so, with the gentlemen's agreement that it does not influence the rest of the party in a negative manner. Let them play on the back deck or in the basement, and keep the rest of the party elsewhere so that it does not become tainted.

However, the Ticks who come back are going to want to play Tales, and I would encourage you (assuming you're in better contact with the active brothers than most of us) and the current brothers to find a way to let the alums play Tales. And I would recommend that the younger people - watch, listen to the stories, see how guys who are approaching 40 and 50 can still remember some of the fun or stupid stuff they did while at Vanderbilt. Talk to some of the older guys who are hanging around the table not playing. Or don't, your choice - It may not be your forum or the Pi Phi's cup of tea, and that's OK. HC is just as much about celebrating history as it is trying to show how *awesome* you are to girls with low-cut dresses and morally casual attitudes. And HC for many is the 1 time per year, or 5 years, or decade, that they get to sit around a table with a handful of fellow ATO’s playing a game of accusation and denial, a game of numbers and nicknames....

Take anything I say with a grain of salt here... For you and the guys you were at the House with, you may not want to play or be near a Tales table, and that's fine, I think anyone would respect your choice. Hell, use it to your advantage and brag about how you totally made the ATO house SuperAwesome unlike how it used to be. I think we all agree that Tales alienates girls and can be somewhat anti-social... But respectfully, the tone of your e-mail is more elitist than any of us assholes that enjoy hanging out and playing Tales at HC ever exhibited. The alums are going to come back and they're going to relive the glory days. It may be more productive to embrace the idea than to ostracize everyone who does it differently than you might choose to do. We're all fairly reasonable and intelligent men, and there's absolutely zero reason that each of us can't enjoy the HC experience as we would like to.

I will truly look forward to attending HC in the future and hope that with the assistance of the current brothers and the participating alumni that HC will be an acceptable mix of fellowship and debauchery that everyone will enjoy.

VTL,
BJ (219) 201-2624
bjbrinkerhoff@gmail.com

* * * *
　
BROTHER VINNY STARR:

"Marlon:

No, how come you are getting this stuff?

Do you have any idea how this got started?

Since this Brian Rayhack guy graduated over four years ago, and thus is not an Active ATO, what is his problem? As for Buck and Larry, let me say that I was not attempting to "start" an issue but I was merely curious as to what this guys obvious negativity to an old ATO tradition was based on. Having said that, now that I know he's not an active and in fact has been out four years, I'm not sure why his opinions (as an ATO alumni) should get any more deference to my opinions (as an ATO alumni) about ATO traditions. Plus, his opinions seem to smack of anti-alumni feeling in general, not really just about wales tails. I don't recall any of us, back when we were actives, being so negative about ATO brother alumni being around, no matter what their deal was.


As a matter of fact, after re-reading his diatribe, and seeing a picture of this guy (that Marlon provided on Facebook), I think the guy speaks and looks like an asshole, and as a proud ATO alumni, I'm proud of my and all the other ATO alumni Wales Tales players and I will defend the game and the tradition because it deserves to be defended. While I certainly would respect the viewpoints of any active ATO members and officers regarding how they run the current chapter, I'm not going to take shit from another ATO alumni for Wales Tales.


When I played at Homecoming 3 years ago, I was joined by long ago ATO alumni, recent ATO alumni, and active ATO's and everyone had a great time (in the basement). There were no issues, and we even had some fine wenches. It was a good memory, both of that Homecoming, and of the old golden days in the 70's. I'm proud to be an ATO Wales Tales alumnus, and proud to say it!
YEAH.....

Vinnie"
　
"This guy (Brinkerhoff) is one first class ATO alumni. What a great e-mail. Perfect response. And I think it perfectly responds to Larry and Buck's discussion about how times have changed. So what, it's HOMECOMING, not a current ATO chapter meeting.
Vinnie

P.S.: Marlon, keep sending me this thread....I think it's very interesting."
　
"I knew it; this great Brinkerhoff guy graduated in 2000 and is a lawyer! A credit to his profession!"

* * * *


BROTHER MARK McGANN: "I don't know, does the Indiana University School of Law really count and if this guy prefers to be known by his initials maybe this Hack guy has a point."

* * * *


BROTHER BOZINO: Point of Order. The question now is how would anyone like going through College with the nick-name "B.J."?

* * * *


BROTHER MARK McGANN: "This is how it got started, some guy named Zubin Zaveri (how many times has he been called ZZ Top, etc.?). What, you guys didn't make the cut? Beats me how I'm on the list, it's weird who is and who isn't, I mean Arms is on there."

* * * *

　
BROTHER CHIP HEARTFIELD: "Larry, Will you be contacting the house to see if dozens of drunks in their 50s and 60s can show up to give a live demo titled:

"Wales Tales: How to Make Friends, Score Chicks, and Bring Acclaim to the Fraternity"?

* * * *
　
BROTHER JIMMY GRISSETT:


"Chipper --

Having come to my senses and seen the light over the last week, I am a bit disappointed in the tone of that little jab and have signed you up for an alternative Homecoming sensitivity program, hosted by the Interfraternity Council at the Sigma Nu house entitled: "New Traditions for the New Millennium: Century Club, Flip Cup, Piepi -- and How to Avoid Sketching Out Girls" (Whatever that Is -- Marlon, can you help me out?).

Afterward, Rod Yanker and I will be serving hors d'oeuvres and ginger ale with a follow up session on "Why You Shouldn't Raid the Nubs Kitchen and Accidentally Set the Kitchen on Fire After a Tales Game". I'm sure you will see my point after thinking about it and look forward to seeing you there.

Trusting That There Are Still No ATO’s Down In Hell,

JAG III"

PS -- I think we should recognize that Zubin's and Nick's current Tic generation invite was quite friendly and sounds like something we would have done -- except we could only afford Black Widow instead of Led Zeppelin.

What I am trying to figure out is who wins the Speedo if Buck Biller really doesn't show? I would have to give the edge to you, since you were in a two-piece suit (although mine looked like a real Speedo). Do you have to be present in a new Speedo to win?

JAG III"
　
"Yes, this guy connected the dots between silly to absurd to bizarre about as quickly as anyone I have seen -- except for Heartfield with a bag of cheetos and a bottle of mustard after a Tales game -- and at least Chip posed little threat to anyone but himself.

Vinnie, I don't know about excommunication but I have seen you perform an exorcism in my and Don's room -- we may need to do both on this guy -- do you still have your robes? If that doesn't work, we may need to bring in Double 00Marlon for an attitude adjustment.
At least we haven't heard from him in a while.

JAG III"

* * * *

　
BROTHER VINNY STARR: "Indiana University is a good school, and has a very good Law School (my parents graduated from Indiana University-so don't piss me off!).
BJ or Hack, they're both kind of silly, but just look again at the picture of Hack.
Case closed.

V."

* * * *


BROTHER BOZINO: Point of Order. I submit Adolph Hack has been thoroughly grilled.


He admitted to spending 4 years trying to extinguish Wales Tales.


Guilty of attempted Wales Tales Extinguishment. Brother Starr has moved that the case be closed. There being no opposition, done.
　
* * * *
DARA HOWE MEMORIALIZES DAVID HOWE:


This e-mail is from the late David Howe’s widow, our friend Dara Howe:

"Larry,

This morning I stopped by the stadium to find the brick I had inscribed to memorialize David. The bricks haven't been given a bath before this weekend's game, but I shot a photo of this one. I really think David would be pleased to know he is memorialized in this fashion. He loved the Commodores, you know!

Go Dores!

Dara"
　
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THE BLOG IS TAKING A MUCH-NEEDED VACATION: Ann and I are vacationing in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, September 5th to 15th. The Blog will be silent during those days. Yes, the beaches in Dominican are Nude-friendly, so - binoculars in hand - I plan on a "personal-parade" on the beach (kidding). Domincan Republic is interesting because there was a civil war that split the island into two countries - Haiti (poverty, voodoo) and Dominican Republic (an expressly Christian Nation). It’s a beautiful country, very America-friendly. I’ll bring you a souvenir.
　
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LIKE MUSIC? Check out my music blog "Delta-Jam Records" at web address: http://www.myspace.com/deltajamrecords . Matt Blankenship is a MySpace Music friend. Buck, I posted one of your Johnny Winter blurbs there.

COMMENT, YE HEATHEN: To post - or to read comments - go down a few paragraphs. The button is very small, in red letters "Comments" - just below "VTL, . ." If you’re having trouble, call me and I’ll walk you through it - 615-512-1448. Or, send me an e-mail and I’ll post your comment.

BETA PI BLOG ROSTER STATS: As of August 26, 2009, the Blog roster stands at 90 Tick-a-lo men online who have e-mail addresses (plus 8 Brothers who do not have e-mail), and 8 ATO Girlfriends-o-Yore. If you have an e-mail address on a Brother, or sister - remember what you learned in Kindergarten - share!

VTL,

Larry Simons
Beta Pi, 72